2009's Worst Films

Having seen more films than might be considered healthy viewing habits, I can say with some level of certainty that a lot of crap movies came out this year. While mediocre (at best) might be modus operandi lately amongst the studios, every once and a while comes a film so bad that you are left with a bad taste in your mouth. Below are a list of th worst films of the year, along with some honorable mentions.

One word that must be said though is that some of the most recent features are not able to be included here (as best or worst) because I haven't had a chance to screen them yet. Also keep in mind that some films, which everyone will admit were bad, like G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, are not on here because while they are bad movies they were also fun popcorns flicks. No fun was had with the below films.

5. AntiChrist

Lars Von Trier wrote this film while depressed and it would seem that he wanted to share his pain with everyone else. Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg star as a couple who’s young son falls out a window while they are having sex. She blames herself and being the good doctor that he is, Dafoe thinks he can cure her himself by going away to a secluded cabin in the woods. There they run into talking animals (was the laughter intentional when the fox stops eating itself to tell Dafoe that “chaos reigns”?). Things get worse as she proceeds to start engaging in genital mutilation. It’s tedious, but you won’t forget it anytime soon. That’s for sure.

4. Observe and Report

I like Anna Faris. I really, really like her. But could she stop making horrible movies. Possibly if someone made choices for her we wouldn’t get stuck having to see her in films like this one. Seth Rogen stars as a mall cop. Not to be confused with Paul Blart, Rogen’s character is living a pathetic life. It makes the film not hilarious, but even more sad to watch. Plus, would it kill Faris to play someone super intelligent, just once?

3. Jennifer's Body

Diablo Cody’s follow-up to Juno is a genre send up with Megan Fox as a high school cheerleader possessed by demon, leaving her to literally become a maneater. Cody’s unique dialogue feels awkward when not handled by the right actors. To make matters worse, rather than having Jennifer go after the meatheaded jocks that the audiences would love to see get killed, Jennifer goes after guys who are somewhat sympathetic. The only bright spot is the always good Amanda Seyfried as the mousy heroine looking to put an end to Jennifer’s terror.

2. Did You Hear About the Morgans?

On paper it sounds like this would be a classic romantic comedy. Genre czar Marc Lawrence (Two Weeks Notice, Music and Lyrics, and Miss Congeniality) reteaming genre faves Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant in a Green Acres fish out of a water story – what’s not to like? Well, apparently Parker can’t find a punchline if it were a New York city cab running her over, leaving Grant to pick up the slack. But Lawrence, as writer and director, hasn’t given much to work with here. Audiences will forgive clichés, more than critics do, if there are laughs to be had. No such luck in this stereotype and cliché laden mess.

1. Halloween 2

An unnecessary sequel to Rob Zombie’s mediocre franchise reboot. I’ll give horror movies a lot of slack as different things scare different people, but quite frankly “Halloween 2” is garbage. Zombie adds in more psychoses for Michael that is part Oedipal complex. Subpar acting and uninteresting characters keeps audiences at bay. Also, didn’t Loomis die in the official theatrical version to the last film? How’s he back?

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Bride Wars, My Bloody Valentine 3-D, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Bruno and Duplicity

EXCLUSIVE: Neil Patrick Harris Going to the Dogs

Neil Patrick Harris, or as I prefer to forever refer to him -- Doogie, is in Philadelphia filming his new indie movie "The Best and The Brightest" with Amy Sedaris and Bonnie Somerville. But is may be pulling double duties.

According to a source, Harris is also working on recording some audio for the upcoming sequel to 2001's Cats & Dogs. The actor isn't listed on IMDB as appearing in the movie, so it is unconfirmed but the information sounded reliable.

How awesome would it be if he were to be a dog who was a doctor and wore suits all the time? SUIT UP PUPPY!

Katherine Heigl Should Just Go Away

We've centered Katherine Heigl for fear that she will be upset if the image is too small. Heigl is also at the center of another round of gossip that says she is acting like a big old diva -- something that has plagued the actress for awhile now.

According to Page Six, the actress was approached to star in the new film Valentine's Day but demanded a huge pay day for the role. The Grey's Anatomy star and Bride of Chucky alum was demanding $3 million to appear in the film, according the the report. That would be fine, except it has an all-star cast and no one is working for more than 2 weeks on the film.

With heavy hitters like Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Ashton Kutcher, Bradley Cooper, Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Garner all appearing in the film (for much less than $3 million, one could assume) Heigl would not be the lead and definitely not the top billed actor. The film is being directed by Garry Marshall

Well, the producers scoffed and she peaced out. Her reps have issued a rebuttal saying, "The story is ludicrous. Early negotiations are a daily occurrence in this business, and just for clarification, Katherine walked away from this project for multiple reasons."

Could it be for 3 million reasons? Just saying...

This story only further make her reputation of difficult more concrete. In the past she has lashed out at Knocked Up, saying that it portrayed women as "shrews", and last year withdrew her name from Emmy contention because she didn't have material that was worthy of a nomination. This isn't even including anything from the Grey's Anatomy on-set brew-ha-ha with Isiah Washington.

Hopefully Hollywood doesn't get tired of this demanding starlet or she'll be lucky to even get onto another television show, let alone a high profile film.

Fall TV Previews -- NBC

NBC has done an unprecedented move by taking Jay Leno into prime time. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that is going to come back to bite them. On the positive side, their ratings are so low that he probably can't do any worse than most of their other shows.

This year the struggling network has ordered 6 new series.

Mercy

Michelle Trachtenberg stars as a new nurse in this series that NBC is hoping might be a new alternative to ER. It looks like it might have its moments but its too wrapped up in its character's personal lives. Since Trachtenberg is hot though, I will give it 1-2 episodes. Don't expect to see this until midseason.


Community

Joel McHale and Chevy Chase are headlining this comedy about going community college. Are there any better words then Chevy Chase on TV? Oh, there are? Well, check out the promo to see if it's your cup of tea.


100 Questions

A new sitcom examining the mating and dating rituals of urban singles. Between cheesy pick up lines and failed relationships, there are so laughs. The only problem is that most of the stuff shown are things we've seen before: girl dumps guy instead of getting engaged and returns to being single -- check. Guy has secret crush on girl -- check. Goofy immature guys -- check. Still there appear to be laughs, so why not right?


Trauma

Yes, this is another one of NBC's signature dramas.


Parenthood

This has already been a movie and (a failed) television show before, but when does that stop anyone anymore. With one of the most impressively ensemble casts that includes Peter Krause, Maura Tierney, Erika Christensen, Dax Shephard, Craig T. Nelson and Monica Potter, this is probably one of the most expensive shows coming this fall. What that means is if it doesn't perform quickly it will probably be gone. Ron Howard and Brian Grazer are producing.

Fall TV Previews -- FOX

Fox has a couple of new shows coming this year. Glee has already aired it's first episode earlier this week and perhaps I was the only one not feeling it. Here's hoping the rest of their new slate is better:

Human Target

Based on a DC Comic book and starring the new Freddy Krueger. The promo below makes it look like Under Siege 2, minus Steven Seagal. Could be fun -- or painful.


The Cleveland Show

The Family Guy spin-off that was proposed for last season is finally hitting screens this fall. Granted, I am only a casual viewer of Family Guy but am I the only who didn't know about his son? It looks more on par with American Dad more so than it's source material.


Past Life

CSI for dead people, though not as redundant as it sounds. When a soul needs vengeance, the reincarnated are helped by these people. Yea, I for one will be skipping this one...


Sons of Tuscon

A comedy about siblings who decide to hire a guy (Tyler Labine of Reaper) to pose as their father after their biological dad is sent to prison. Considering the quality of this promo and the track record Fox has with comedies you can expect GREAT things from this (note, sarcasm).


Brothers

A retired NFL player gets summoned home to help his family in Houston after his brother is left in a wheelchair. Here's the clip:

Fall TV Previews -- ABC

Here are some promos that have come out for the upcoming ABC shows:

V: The Television Series

The alien ships look mad fake. But it stars Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell) from Lost. In the end if they don't have the alien queen eat the canary like in the original miniseries, I'm out.


Cougar Town

Despite the name, the title does not refer to Courtney Cox's character. She does play a cougar, though, who is recently divorced. Created by Bill Lawrence, who also created the show that will not die -- Scrubs, this looks kind of hilarious.


Eastwick

Based on the John Updike book The Witches of Eastwick that was turned into a movie with an all-star cast, this show looks kind of like a disappointment in comparison. The girls seem suitable, but for that to be the dude they are all in love with doesn't seem right. He seems like a low rent version of Stephen Moyer from True Blood. But I do like me some Lindsay Price.


The Deep End

Billy Zane is coming to network TV and he is still as charming as in his heyday. The law firm set show looks quirky, but not over the top like Boston Legal. The voiceover in the trailer is kind of cheesy, so be warned.


Happy Town

Comparing yourself to Twin Peaks in the opening seconds of your trailer is probably not the best idea due to setting the bar to high (at least for the first season). The show is about that is home to a maniac named the Magic Man and stars a bunch of people who's faces you'll recognize but won't be able to remember their names without hitting up IMBD (Among them are Amy Acker, Lauren German, Sam Neill and Geoff Stults). I have a feeling that this may be gone by mid-season (Hello, Harper's Island anyone???), but looks interesting.


Modern Family

Has a decent named cast. But doesn't have anything to really entice you. Oh well...


The Middle

Patricia Heaton tries her hand at a comedy again, this time without a laugh track. This trailer makes it look like Malcolm in the Middle-esque.


Hank
Yea, I couldn't even bring myself to watch this one. So it's on you.

Fall TV previews -- CW

Here are some preview clips of the new shows coming to TV in the fall.

Melrose Place

Sydney is back and crazy as ever -- but it seems she might not be appearing very long from the one clip. Michael is the father of a 20something year old, let's see that get explained. Ashlee Simpson still can't act. Katie Cassidy and Jessica Lucas look hot though.

Vampire Diaries

Based on the books that were Twilight before Twilight was even thought of and adapted by Kevin Williamson, who created Dawson's Creek and Scream. Should fit in well with the CW, but the promo is kind of a yawn. Oh and if you ever wondered what happened to Ian Somerhalder after leaving Lost, now you know.



Beautiful Life

Produced by Ashton Kutcher, this is the only idea that isn't based on pre-existing material that the network is offering for the fall. In the pro column it stars Sara Paxton and girls will probably love the fashion. In the con column, Mischa Barton is back on TV regularly and it's only a matter of time before the eating disorder storyline gets whipped out. Wildcard: Corbin Bleu is breaking out from High School Musical. Will he be the next breakout of the cast or remain that other guy from the HSM series.

Spotted:

Matsuflex and shawn from vh1's Tool Academy partying at McFaddens in Philadelphia. YIKES!!!

The amount of gel and other product in their hair is ridiculous.

Upfronts Comings and Goings

With the end of the television season each year comes the annual Upfront presentations where the networks announce their Fall television schedules and try to begin the building the hype for each of the new shows. Over the weekend check back for a full rundown of what's been picked up and where you can catch your favorite shows come September.

More than any development season in recent memory a number of big name pilots weren't picked up by the nets. Below is a list of those shows that were canceled and new shows that won't ever see the light of day.

Cancelled: Eleventh Hour, Without A Trace, The Unit, Life, Privileged, Lipstick Jungle, Prison Break, My Name Is Earl, Crusoe, Kath and Kim, Knight Rider, Kings, My Own Worst Enemy, The Unusuals, In The Motherhood, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, According to Jim, Pushing Daisies, Life on Mars, Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, Samantha Who?, The Game, and Everyone Hates Chris

Not Picked Up:

• The American remake of Absolutely Fabulous starring Kristin Johnston was passed on by Fox.
• ABC decided against expanding the Supernanny franchise with Supermanny.
• David E. Kelley's dry streak is continuing now that Legally Mad isn't coming to NBC
• Brett Ratner's Cop House revolving around a halfway house for cops was passed on Fox.
  
• Without his untitled pilot being picked up by NBC, perhaps Michael Rosenbaum will pop up on Smallville more next season
• Gossip Girl's untitled spin-off following Lily's teenage groupie years is not on the fall schedule. But there are conflicting reports as to whether it could show up midseason. Did anyone actually like that episode a few weeks ago?
• One of the potentially controversial pilots, Back, was passed on by CBS. The show starred Skeet Ulrich and followed a guy who disappeared on 9/11 only to re-appear 8 years later.
• The Eastmans had an all-star cast that included Donald Sutherland, Jacqueline Bissett and Jesse Bradford
• Another big name cast that didn't make it to CBS is Happiness Isn't Everything starring Richard Dreyfuss, Jason Biggs and Mary Steenburgen
  

First Look of the new Melrose Place

E! Online got the first look at The CW's upcoming reboot of the 90s soap Melrose Place.

The cast includes Katie Cassidy (the remake of Black Christmas, Harper's Island), Jessica Lucas (Cloverfield), Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Shaun Sipos (The Grudge 2, Lost Boys: The Tribe). Also returning are Thomas Calabro and (somewhat inexplicably) Laura Leighton, who will be returning from being presumed dead as Sydney Andrews -- who is seen in the second photo in what looks like a face off with Cassidy.

Look for the first commercials to be coming soon and the hype to begin shortly. Word on the street is that this one has come together much better than the disjointed 90210 reboot. Though the network has yet to officially announce its line-up rumors have it being placed behind the teen soap on Tuesday nights at 9 p.m.

Really? Producers Trying to Doom Melrose Place Reboot

Perez Hilton is reporting a rumor that producers of the new Melrose Place are looking to hire Mischa Barton for the reboot. In his report he says that the casting info is in hopes of trying to lure younger fans to the update.

There's a couple things wrong with this logic:
1. Does Barton even have fans to help lure?
2. Barton's reputation isn't exactly stellar, so do you really want to make that the first person you go after publicly?
3. Shouldn't acting be a requirement for starring in the show?

Just sayin...

Spotted...

Aneesa from Mtv's The Real World was seen at the Philadelphia 76ers basketball came. The reality roomie was enjoying beverages in the Lexus Club during the game with two guys.

Jesse McCartney in Atlantic City

Jesse McCartney's Departure tour rolled into Atlantic City last night. The 21-year-old singer/actor has come a long way in the eight years he's been in the spotlight. With his latest album and tour he's trying to prove to the world that he is maturing as a man and an artist. Unfortunately for him most of his fans are still in high school, which makes it a little awkward to hear him sing about sexy time.

The opening act was some girl named Anjulie, who hopefully I will never hear from again. She barely had stage presence and to steal a line from American Idol there were some pitch problems. Things went from bad to worse when she started to work lyrics from Time After Time into one song.

He puts on a decent enough show, opting more to focus on the performance rather than the spectacle like some pop acts. The atmosphere in the Tropicana theater is enough to bring any naysayers into the fold.

McCartney sang mostly songs from his Departure album, even including some of the new tracks from the soon to be re-released version. Some of his previous hits were ignored in the show, but the fans didn't really seem to care.

For me, the best part of the concert was seeing the grandmother dancing in front of us throughout the whole concert, even after her two friends left and her husband went for an extended bathroom break. She said she was there just so she could tell her granddaughter she went. Now that's a cool grandma.

FYI, my friend Al is an awesome photographer. Photo above is courtesy of her.

Spiderman on Broadway

I forgot to post this earlier in the week because, well frankly, it frightened me. But here is a poster (that I think is new) for the Spiderman musical, which is opening in less than a year kiddies! Start lining up now!!!

And can someone please explain what the subtitle means? Turn off the dark? Really, it's called a light. That alone makes things look dreary for the Julie Taymor (The Lion King) production.

OMG, ND to play GG SF

Despite what some of you might think, I am not obsessed with Gossip Girl. Nor am I a 15-year-old girl.

With that out of the way, the latest news coming out of the GG camp is that recently reunited band No Doubt will be appearing in the season finale. This is probably to help support their upcoming summer tour with Paramore.

How great would a Gwen Stefani and Leighton Meester catfight be to see? Ah...a boy can dream right?

Another Seemingly Crazy Twilight Rumor

Okay, is it just me or are these getting stranger and stranger? Madonna contributing to the soundtrack? Dakota Fanning and a 90210 starlet together?

Well, now Drew Barrymore is getting tossed into the ring. Talk is saying that because of the quick turnaround the actress, who recently finished shooting her first film as a director -- Whip It! -- could be helming the the series' third entry, Eclipse.

Entertainment Weekly is reporting, and subsequently everyone is picking the news up, that Summit Entertainment is talking to a group of director's that includes the film veteran about directorial duties. At this rate Robert Pattinson will be directing the finale.

Rob Zombie posts H2 pictures

Above are pictures that Rob Zombie has just posted of Scout Taylor-Compton as Laurie Strode. As you can tell it seems that the film is going to be following in the footsteps of the original sequel and will take place, at least partially in the hospital. It will be interesting to see what happens with Danielle Harris, as her character died in the original Halloween but lived in the remake.

Damn Gyllenhaal

Okay, so the interwebs have been abuzz today about a story from Variety that makes me think we are all getting punk'd. Ashton, is that you?!?!

So Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal are going to appear in a new updated version of the classic musical Damn Yankees. Carrey will play the devil while Jake (his last name is too long to keep typing) will play Joe.

Does the world really need this?? I know the Yanks are doing well but the new season is about to begin -- to add insult to injury. I beg of you. Derek Jeter is a good man.

First Look: Dear John

Today's USA Today has posted a picture from the upcoming film Dear John starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried.

The film, which will be released next year, is based a on Nicholas Sparks book about a soldier who falls for a college student.

This will complete a trio of films for the actor where he plays military types, which started last year with Stop-Loss and continues this summer with the G.I. Joe film. Compared to G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra Commander I think this one might have a little different feel -- just sayin.

Brittany Snow joins Gossip Girl prequel

Brittany Snow, who came to fame starring on NBC's American Dreams, has just landed the role of young Lily in the Gossip Girl spin-off prequel.

Snow will join Krysten Ritter for the show that is expected to be picked up by The CW for a Fall debut. The actress will play the younger version of Kelly Rutherford's character on the popular show.

Fans will get their first look at the sisters in an episode later this season, which will serve as a springboard for the new show.

Beat the Blogger...

There's really only one new film that anyone is going to care about this weekend: Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience will take over the number one spot. The Jo Bros. should do a similar opening to their female counterpart, Hannah Montana last year. Expect around $30 million for them.

Everyone's favorite gun-toting granny, Madea, will slide to number two with just under $20 million. Expect to see a jump for Slumdog Millionaire after winning all of the Academy Awards last weekend with about $12 to $14 million.

Rounding out the top five with be those strong hold overs, Taken and Coraline, each making $6 to $8 million dollars.

The only other new opener this weekend will be the kiddie aimed Street Fighter reboot starring Chris Klien, Smallville's Kristin Kreuk, and Desperate Housewives' Neal McDonough. It'll make around $5 million.

So post your predictions in the comments section and we will crown a winner on Sunday.

Samuel L. Jackson is in the mother---king money

Rumors that Samuel L. Jackson wouldn't be back as Nick Fury in any additional Marvel comic book films seems a little weird, you know considering that the actor has never met a script bad enough to turn down. It was probably just a negotiation tactic.

One that seems to have worked since talk is now saying that he is negotiating a nine picture deal to include all upcoming films made by the studio -- starting with Iron Man 2, which begins filming this summer.

Don't expect anything official though until the ink is dry, Marvel has released a simple no comment due to the open activity of the negotiations.

Unnecessary Remakes Alert

Dark Horizons is reporting today about two remakes that might be even more inane than many of the other remake ideas that have come down the pike recently.

Sony has gotten the idea that the world needs a newer version of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film Total Recall. The film is based on a Philip K. Dick story about implanted memories and Mars -- oh and the that triple-breasted woman. If she's not back there is no reason to make the film. For real.

Warner Bros. is teaming with Leonardo Dicaprio to produce a new version of The Neverending Story. The new film is going to be more nuanced then the original from 1984. I think in this case, nuanced means more psychodelic as I think stoned college kids are probably the biggest audience for the original films (yes, there were 3).

Doherty looks for a Plan B

If the return to television doesn't work out for Shannen Doherty, it looks like the actress might have already found a plan b.

The details are sketchy, but US Weekly confirmed that the 90210 star has joined Pasadena magazine as art director. She will be in charge of choosing cover designs and photo shoots.

Her rep confirmed to the magazine that Doherty is jumping right into her new job. "She's already booking covers and working on photo shoots."

Simpsons are the longest running show in history

The Simpsons may have hit their peak awhile ago, but they aren't going anywhere. Fox has just ordered two more seasons worth of episodes to bring the show's grand total to 493. The show, which began airing in 1990, will unseat Gunsmoke as the longest running show in television history.

While The Simpsons will be on the air longer, Gunsmoke still will have more episodes with over 600.

The CW continues trend of renewing show WELL past expiration

The CW, a network that renewed an already concluded 7th Heaven for an 11th season, just won't let some shows die.

The net announced six early renewals for next year. Among the shows were the no-brainers like and Gossip Girl and America's Next Top Model. The rabid fanbase kept Supernatural around for another season.

Even shows that were question marks were given a renewal. 90210 was generally thought to be coming back but with the hyping having faded quickly it wasn't guaranteed. Also, over at One Tree Hill all of the actor's contracts were up and there was talk about some possibly not returning. Word is Chad Michael Murray still hasn't signed on the dotted line yet.

But really, did they have to renew Smallville for another season? Many considered this to be it's last year when the season started but this is the show that will not die. The upcoming season will be it's ninth and many of the cast members have defected for sake of trying to have a career afterwards. Needless to say Tom Welling, who is returning, doesn't care about a career after the show.

Not included in the announcement were four shows, many of which probably won't come back. The Game, Privileged, and Reaper have no decisions made as of yet. Everyone Hates Chris is most likely not coming back as it has enough episodes for syndication and, well quite frankly, at this point the buzz is gone from the show and no one cares about it anymore.

Shows that The CW is working on is a reboot of Melrose Place and a television series version of book series Vampire Diaries (which we first reported on here) and a spin-off of Gossip Girl (which we reported on here).

Now if that slate doesn't reek of originality I don't know what does.

CSI gets some Charisma

According to TV Guide sexy actress Charisma Carpenter will be showing up for an episode of CSI. The former Buffy and Angel actress will be playing a skydiver named Mink. The role is being described to the mag as "fun and memorable."

In other Carpenter news, check her out later this year in the sci-fi tv movie House of Bones and the indie, Vivid.

Spotted...

Actor Gerard Butler, who is in Philadelphia shooting Law Abiding Citizen with Jamie Foxx, was working out last night at the Bally Total Fitness on 15th Street. He walked into the gym around 730 and happened to start doing cardio next to me...so having seen 300, I thought it would be a good challenge to keep up. Considering I was already 30 minutes into my work out this was a bad idea -- despite that he started off at a brisk walk on the treadmill.

Giving up I went to the weight room and shortly thereafter the actor came in and round 2 started. Working out with a trainer (or friend or something) he started doing a weight training circuit and I easily faded. :(

I am not Sparta...

The Week in Review

Movies: I didn't see anything in theaters -- though I have already added Fired Up! to my Netflix. Sorry I have some kind of crush on AnnaLynne McCord. I did catch Quarantine, which just came out on DVD and sadly it was disappointing. No real scares --though seeing the zombie guy walking on a broken leg bothered me being that I am dealing with a broke foot recovery.

Music: I'm looking for some new stuff. Kelly Clarkson and U2 leaked -- are they any good? Hit me up with some suggestions.

TV: Despite being in the midst of February sweeps it appears that everything is in repeats currently. Finally am caught up to date on Fringe, and now that I'm finally into it the show won't be back until April. And am I the only person who thinks Nip/Tuck has finally become too bizarre between the self pleasuring yoga teacher and the wart monster I don't know how much more I can take.

Wes Craven talks about returning to Scream franchise

Rumors are swirls about all what exactly is happening with Scream 4. Since the beginning of the year talk has said run the gamut from rumors who might return (see the original post here for more info).

Now director Wes Craven has spoken out to website Bloody Disgusting, while promoting the remake of The Last House on the Left. About returning to the series he said, "It would take it being really as a good a script as the first one was and the pay day reflects what I've done for that company and what I've gone through on Cursed."

Craven does confirm that writer Kevin Williamson is working on a script currently.

Has Shrek 4's Plot Leaked Online?

Alex Litel's Lackluster Emporium has gotten ahold of a document from Dreamworks that reveals the basic storyline for the next installment in the Shrek series. According to the document:

After challenging an evil dragon, rescuing a beautiful princess and saving your in-laws' kingdom, what's an ogre to do? Well, if you're Shrek, you suddenly wind up a domesticated family man. Instead of scaring villagers away like he used to, a reluctant Shrek now agrees to autograph pitch forks. What's happened to this ogre's roar? Longing for the days when he felt like a "real ogre," Shrek is duped into signing a pact with the smooth-talking dealmaker, Rumplestiltskin.

Shrek suddenly finds himself in a in a twisted, alternate version of Far Far Away, where ogres are hunted, Rumplestiltskin is king and Shrek and Fiona have never met. Now, it's up to Shrek to undo all he's done in the hopes of saving his friends, restoring his world and reclaiming his one True Love.

The film is scheduled to be released in IMAX and traditional theaters in May 2010. All of the core voice talents will be back next year.

New Moon Title

Isn't it snazzy?

Summit Entertainment has release the new title art for New Moon, the next in The Twilight Saga. (Apparently it's a saga now)

The other big news is that the third part of the saga, Eclipse, will be released on June 30, 2010. That's right, only seven months between the two.

Caine thinks The Joker should retire

Actor Michael Caine, who plays Alfred in Christopher Nolan's Batman series, believes that with Heath Ledger's passing the character of The Joker should be retired from any future caped crusader films.

"I asked him, 'What’s it about?' and he said, 'The Joker.' I said, 'Oh, shoot. Jack Nicholson was so great. How will you top that?' He said, 'I’m going to try.' But when he told me it was going to be Heath Ledger, for some reason I just said, 'That will be fine, then.' Besides, you wouldn’t want to be the guy to try to outdo Jack and Heath," the actor told USA Today.

As for who he thinks should be the next villian? Caine's suggestion is The Riddler.

Beat the Blogger Results

Tyler Perry's curvaceous Madea went to town with audiences this weekend. Giving the writer/director his biggest opening ever with just over $41 million dollars for Madea Goes to Jail.

Next were a trio of films that just keep chugging along. Taken, Coraline, and He's Just Not That Into You. Best Picture nominee (possibly winner?) Slumdog Millionaire rounds out the top five with a 10% increase to make $8 million this weekend.

Last weekend's big opener, Friday the 13th, was expected to have a decent drop off as is usual with any movie with a huge opening. But with 80% the future is looking about as bright for the film as those of the kids in the film.

Another interesting weekend in Hollywood. I guess everyone is going to the movie theaters to escape the depressing news.

Paris is the Queen of the Razzies; no one surpised

In celebration of tonight's Academy Awards, the Razzies were handed out earlier this weekend. The awards, which highlight the worst in film for the previous year, have been handed out for 29 years. So far, only Halle Berry has gone in person to receive her award a few years ago for Catwoman.

Cleaning up at this year's awards was Paris Hilton. Winning three awards, the actress won all that she was nominated for -- including Worst Actress, Worst Supporting Actress and Worst Screen Couple. Reviled director Uwe Boll received a career achievement award. But Boll might actually be in on the joke. When Fangoria magazine asked if anyone else should win the achievement award his response was, "No one, only me."

This year's winners are:

• Worst Picture: The Love Guru
• Worst Actor: Mike Myers, The Love Guru
• Worst Actress: Paris Hilton, The Hottie and the Nottie
• Worst Supporting Actor: Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia!
• Worst Supporting Actress: Paris Hilton, Repo: The Genetic Opera
• Worst Screen Couple: Paris Hilton and either Christin Lakin or Joel David Moore, The Hottie and the Nottie
• Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
• Worst Director: Uwe Boll, 1968: Tunnel Rats, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Uwe Boll's Postal
• Worst Screenplay: The Love Guru
• Worst Career Achievement: Uwe Boll

Rihanna Beaten

So, news came out this morning that TMZ has obtained a photo taken of Rihanna following the incident with Chris Brown. The photo, which they have published, shows the singer badly bruised.

As a journalist I feel this crosses the line -- hence why there is no photo with this post. But I'd like to know what others think about this. Voice your opinion in the poll to the right.

Kutcher and Katherine together onscreen

Lately, Ashton Kutcher has been one of the hardest working actors in Hollywood with recently signing onto a slew of projects. The latest film is Five Killers for Lionsgate.

In the film, Kutcher plays one half of a couple who think they have found their soulmates and the perfect life. That all changes when they begin to believe their neighbors are assassins hired to kill them.

Soon to be departed Grey's Anatomy star Katherine Heigl just signed on to the film. Helming the film is Heigl's The Ugly Truth director Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde, Monster-in-law). Luketic will be taking a departure from his romantic comedy resume to direct the thriller, which begins shooting next month.

A History of Violence at the multiplexes

What is wrong with America? Going to the movies to see the latest and greatest is one of our favorite past times. Lately, though, if you aren't packing heat you might not make it home.

First there was the case at Benjamin Button (in my hometown no less). Then Notorious ended badly -- for more than just Biggie. Now, a screening of Friday the 13th ended with a costumed man wounded in the hospital.

The movie theater this time turned the screening on Friday into an event, including an appearance by Jason Voorhees himself -- as played by Warrington Gillette, who played the villian in 1981's original sequel.

Well, a woman in the audience thought things were a little too real when Gillette came on stage wielding an axe. The audience member got overzealous and tried to wrestle it away from the hockey masked killer. In the process the actor got wounded by the axe and ended up in the hospital.

Come on, people let's try to play safely when going to the movies. Leave the action onscreen.

Possibly Fake Oscar Winners List Leaked

Okay, so of course the Academy is going to deny that it's the real list. I mean if they say yes this is the real thing who would really tune in to the show -- secret presenters or not. So take the list however way you want, but below find out who the supposed winners are:

Winslet's Ta-Tas are being tucked away for good

Oscar nominee Kate Winslet tells Time magazine that she is done flashing her chest onscreen.

The star of The Reader said, "I think I won't do it again: a) I can't keep getting away with it, and b) I don't want to become 'that actress who always gets her kit off.'"

Beat the Blogger...

Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail should take on box office cake with ease, just like all of Perry's have previously. Expect the film to do about $22 million. Last week's number one film Friday the 13th is going to have a big drop off this week so it should settle nicely around $15 million in the number two spot. That will be followed by also rans He's Just Not That Into You, Coraline, and Taken. The other new film Fired Up! should do $5-7 million dollars.

Wilson Wants to Know Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon is playing the lead in James L. Brooks' (As Good As It Gets) new romantic comedy. The film, entitled How Do You Know?, puts the actress in the middle of a love triangle between a baseball player and a business executive.

Witherspoon, who has been attached to the project for awhile now, looks to be joined by Owen Wilson and Paul Rudd as her would be suitors.

How Do You Know? is scheduled to lense this summer.

Deja Vu Anyone?

Okay, so I know that the whole Big premise isn't exactly new or anything. But when you have a movie coming out in a few weeks, like 17 Again, why would it be a good idea to make a similar sounding one already?

The newly announced Traded is like the Zac Efron movie meets Freaky Friday. In the film an NFL quarterback switches bodies with a 12-year-old. Along the way they learn valuable lessons, blah blah blah.

Traded will star Ashton Kutcher, per Variety.

Schwarzenegger books an acting gig

Is there any has been actor that Sylvester Stallone hasn't lined up to appear in his new film The Expendables?

The cast already consists of Dolph Lungren, Mickey Rourke (who's new again?), Jet Li, and Jason Statham. Eric Roberts is also replacing Ben Kingsley in the film.

The Governator will be taking a break from helping dig California out of debt to film a daylong cameo in the film. No word on what his cameo will consist of other than his character will have history with the one played by Stallone, according to AICN.

Filming is scheduled to begin later this month. The plot follows a group of mercenaries who go to South America to overthrow a dictator.

Hudgens going to be Dead@17?

High School Musical star Vannesa Hudgens is being courted to star in the film adaptation of Dead@17, based on the comic series.

The four part miniseries, created by Josh Howard, is about a girl who dies at 17 only to be resurrected to fight evil monsters.

Howard tells Comics on Comics that Mike Dougherty (who wrote X2, Superman Returns) is working on the script. Lorenzo di Bonaventura is producing.

Hammertime again...

A&E is further moving into the trash TV spectrum with the announcement that MC Hammer is getting a reality show based on his life.

J.D. Roth (yes, the former host of game show Funhouse) is the executive producer and describes the show as "similar to an unscripted version of the Huxtable family from “The Cosby Show.” Here’s a dad with five kids, married to the same woman for more than 23 years, living in the same place where he grew up and going to church every Sunday."

The network has agreed to an 11-episode tryout. Hammer's show will of course be known as ... wait for it ... Hammertime.

Most random bandmates ever

I don't know how they met, but Taylor Hanson, James Iha (guitarist of Smashing Pumpkins), Adam Schlesinger (bassist of Fountains of Wayne) and Bun E. Carlos (drummer for Cheap Trick) have joined forces to create "supergroup" Tinted Windows.

The band, which according to Hanson.net, has been together for a couple of years have been keeping a low profile. That is all going to change once they play their inaugural show at SXSW next month.

Following the performance the guys will be releasing their debut album in the Spring.

Can anyone tell me how the quartet met and got together? Inquiring minds want to know.

Kevin Connelly Gets All the Hot Chicks -- Seriously

Okay, so first he got Emmanuelle Chriqui as Sloan and now he is getting my current crush, Alexis Dziena. With this knowledge, Kevin Connelly is one damn lucky guy for having scored his role of E on Entourage.

The Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist co-star will be joining the hit HBO show on a recurring basis, according to EW's Michael Ausiello.

Her role with be that of a non-Hollywood girl, who seems to good to be true -- especially considering that she is going for Eric. But hey, weirder things have happened right? I mean The King of Queens was on for how many years with Leah Remini married to Kevin James.

If nothing else, at least with Dziena on the show I will start watching again which hasn't happened in like 3 years.

Britney Spears is hard at work on her video for the controversial single "If You Seek Amy." With each piece of behind the scenes footage that comes out, I am more and more confused as to what is going on. Below is a video from BritneySpears.com of her dancers showing some of the moves on display in the video:


The above photos are all behind-the-scenes looks from the set. The first is also courtesy of BritneySpears.com. The video is being described as "provocative" despite the appearances from the above photos.

2/3 of the Three Night Wolverine Promos

Below are promos that Fox aired to promote the upcoming X-men Origins: Wolverine film.

'X-Men Origins: WOLVERINE' #1 Outcasts
by trentisthenewpink

XMO Wolverine Spot #2 from sam c on Vimeo.

Enjoy. The third part aired tonight during American Idol

Giamatti down with being the Penguin; hasn't Batman movies

Despite admitting that he hasn't kept up with the Batman franchise, actor Paul Giamatti has commented on rumors that he is in the running for the role of the villianous Penguin.

The role that was last played by Danny DeVito in Batman Returns, has had Giamatti's name surrounding it and the actor is hopeful the whispers are true. "That would be fantastic. I'd love to do that," Giamatti said to MTV News.

The Big Fat Liar star admits that he is most familiar with the interpretation done by Burgess Meredith. "You know, I'm still stuck back in the Batman TV show days. That's what I grew up watching, so I never followed the more current stuff. But the Penguin would be great to do."

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is someone who is knows how to campaign for a role.